Pippin's Giant Mushroom
by Merry-and-Pippin-kix-ASS
Summary: What happens when Pippin finds a giant mushroom. Please R&R. Finished. No slash.
1. Chapter One

Pippin And His Giant Mushroom  
Chapter One  
  
The fellowship was still in Rivendell and it had rained the night before. Merry and Pippin were having the time of their lives as they jumped and splashed in the puddles.  
  
"Shit!" as Pippin tripped over his own feet and landed in a puddle. "HELP! I'M DROWNING! ICAN'T SWIM! HELP! HEEELLLLP! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! I'M GOINGTO DIE, MERRY HELP ME! YOU'RE NOT HELLLLPINNNNNNG!" Pippin cried as he tried to swim.  
  
Merry walks over and says " #1 you're not drowning  
#2 you're not gonna die  
And #3 for gods sake you're in a puddle!"  
  
"OH" "Uh-o Spaghetti-o's" Pippin giggles. *And runs off*  
  
Merry shakes his head "What. An. Idiot."  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
Legolas was trying to shoot Sam. Frodo and Sam were standing side by side. Legolas pulled back the arrow aimed at Sam and let the arrow go. The arrow missed Sam and hit Frodo in the head.  
  
"Damn it!" Legolas cried as he shot another arrow and hit Sam.  
  
"Hehe. We're dead" Frodo said as he and Sam fell to the ground. "Pippin can take the ring."  
  
*Pippin pops out of nowhere* "YAY!"  
  
"Yay! The gay guy's dead! Ooops! I killed Frodo! Oh well" Legolas shouts with excitement.  
  
Legolas skips away as he sings I'm a little teapot in his own version. "I'M A LITTLE ELFY NICE AND BLONDE! HERE IS MY ARROW AND HERE IS MY BOW! WHEN I GET ALL ANGRY! HERE ME SHOUT I WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE ASS!" 


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two  
  
Aragorn was going for a walk when he noticed Gandalf. Gandalf was trying out some new spells.  
  
"Hi Gandalf" Aragorn said as he strolled by. "Bye Gandalf"  
  
Just as Aragorn was leaving Gandalf said another spell, which sounded like this: HOOSH U DOOT U AY PAY MOOSHROOM!  
  
Gandalf turned himself into a mushroom and couldn't turn himself back, since he had dropped his staff when he turned into the mushroom.  
  
Gandalf thought to himself I hope Pippin doesn't come along.  
  
Just then he heard someone singing in the distance.  
  
It was Pippin. He was singing a little song he made up that goes to the tune of Mary Had A Little Lamb. "I GET TO TAKE THE RING! TAKE THE RING! TAKE THE RING! I GET TO TAKE THE RING TO A PLACE CALLED MORDOR. I GET TO TA."  
  
Just as Pippin was going to start his song again he saw Gandalf or to him a giant mushroom.  
  
"OOOOOO! FOR MUSHROOMS SAKES! THAT'S THE MOST GIANTIST MUSHROOM I HAVE EVER SEEN!" Pippin yelled as he saw the mushroom.  
  
"Don't eat me! It's me Gandalf!" The mushroom screamed.  
  
Pippin looked around in confusion and wondering where Gandalf's voice could have came from since Gandalf was nowhere to be seen. Pippin looked high and low, left to right, but still couldn't find him.  
  
"O well" Pippin said as he turned back to his giant, succulent mushroom and started munching on it.  
  
"OOOOWWWW!!!" Gandalf screeched as he was eaten.  
  
"I think I should go show Merry my giant mushroom." Pippin said to himself.  
  
Pippin ripped the mushroom out of the ground. He had a hard time carrying the mushroom back to where Merry was, since the mushroom was twice as big as him and was as big as Gandalf.  
  
While he was walking back he bumped into Aragorn and Legolas.  
  
"HI!" Pippin said cheerfully.  
  
"Well hello Pippin. What do you have there with you? Both of them said with a smile. "This is my mushroom that I found. Isn't it big?" Pippin chuckled.  
  
"Why yes it is." Aragorn said. "Very big" Legolas added.  
  
"Well I better be off. I'm going to show Merry my mushroom." Pippin told them as he walked off.  
  
"Do you need a hand with that" Aragorn called after him.  
  
" NO ONE TOUCHES MY MUSHROOM!" Pippin yelled at Aragorn as if he was starting to go crazy.  
  
Just then Pippin tripped over his own feet and landed in a pile of shit.  
  
"Where. Where's my mushroom!?" Pippin shouted at Legolas and Aragorn as he got up and brushed himself off. "You took it when I tripped! Didn't you!? Didn't you!?"  
  
"If we had your mushroom then it wouldn't be over there, Pippin." Legolas said sarcastically as he pointed.  
  
"Well thank you" Pippin said as he tripped over his own feet again.  
  
Pippin got up and scurried over to his mushroom before some elves came and picked it up.  
  
"He's gone mental." Legolas said to Aragorn.  
  
"I know, let's just pretend this didn't happen." Aragorn whispered back.  
  
"Go away it's mine! All mine!" Pippin snapped at them.  
  
"Don't worry my precious nobody is going to take you. I promise." Pippin snickered to the mushroom. "You'll be alright."  
  
Pippin picked up his mushroom and ran off to go find Merry. 


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three  
  
Merry was sitting at the table eating dinner.  
  
Pippin ran in screaming, "MERRY! MERRY! Guess what I found!"  
  
"What did you find?" Merry asked curiously.  
  
"I found a mushroom!" Pippin yelled in excitement.  
  
"But, you always find mushrooms. What's so exciting about that?" Merry complained.  
  
"But, look how big it is though." Pippin said as he showed Merry his giant mushroom.  
  
"WOW! THAT'S THE HUMUNGOUSES MUSHROOM I'VE EVER SEEN!" Merry said amazed. "Let's eat it with our dinner!"  
  
"WE?" Pippin asked in confusion.  
  
"Yes, we." Merry replied.  
  
"I DON'T THINK SO! I FOUND IT, SO I GET TO EAT IT!" Pippin snapped.  
  
"But Pippin it's me. Your favorite cousin, Merry and your best bud." Merry said, in shock of what his cousin just said.  
  
"YOU'RE NOT MY BEST FRIEND! YOU'RE JUST LIKE THE REST OF THEM! YOU'RE JUST PRETENDING TO BE MY FRIEND, AND WHEN I FALL A SLEEP! SMACK! YOU'LL TAKE MY MUSHROOM AND EAT YOURSELF! AREN'T YOU? AREN'T YOU?" Pippin said greedily and ferociously.  
  
"No, I'm not like that at all." Merry said, stunned at his cousin.  
  
Pippin grabbed the ring from his pocket and walked over to his mushroom. As he was walking over, he tripped over a chair and landed flat on his face. The ring went flying into the air and landed in his mushroom. (Where Pippin was eating before.) Pippin walked over to his mushroom, cut apiece off (the piece that had the ring in) and made some mushroom stew.  
  
"I guess you can have some stew Merry, as long as you don't look at my mushroom" Pippin handed Merry some stew.  
  
"Thank you Pippin." Merry whispered.  
  
When they were finished their stew. They went to go find Gimili, Legolas, Aragorn and Gandalf. 


	4. Chapter Four

Chapter Four  
  
Merry and Pippin found Aragorn, Legolas and Gimili, but they couldn't find Gandalf anywhere.  
  
"I wonder where Gandalf is?" Merry asked Pippin.  
  
"Hey Aragorn, Legolas, Gimili! Do you know where Gandalf is? Pippin asked them.  
  
Both Gimili and Legolas said no.  
  
"I saw Gandalf, down that path over there, practicing some spells, but that was about three hours ago." Aragorn told them.  
  
"Thank you Aragorn" Merry replied.  
  
"Can you show us exactly where he was?" Pippin and Merry both asked him.  
  
"Certainly" Aragorn replied.  
  
Aragorn showed him where Gandalf was.  
  
"Funny. That's the same place where I found my precious." Pippin told Aragorn. "I mean mushroom."  
  
"Hmmm. Here's his staff." Aragorn said to them picking up Gandalf's staff.  
  
"He never goes anywhere without his staff. He'll just fall over without it!" Merry said very confused.  
  
"O well. We can go on without him." Pippin said.  
  
"Yeah! You're right. We can." Aragorn agreed. 


	5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five  
  
Several months later...  
  
The fellowship was in Mordor now and had just defeated Orthanc. Aragorn showed Pippin the way to the heart of Mount Doom.  
  
"NOW THROW THE RING INTO THE FIRE PIPPIN!!" Aragorn shouted.  
  
"Ummm. I think I swallowed it." Pippin uttered.  
  
"You did what!" Aragorn said pissed off.  
  
"I. Think. I. Swallowed. It." Pippin said very slowly, clearly and loudly, like Aragorn was deaf.  
  
"When do you think you swallowed it?!" Aragorn asked.  
  
"I think I swallowed it in Rivendell." Pippin whispered. "And then I think I crapped it out in the river."  
  
"What river?" Aragorn asked in anger.  
  
"The river with the Aragonath. Or. Whatever it's called. THE TWO KINGS! " Pippin yelled.  
  
"O great. Now we have to start our journey all over again." Aragorn complained.  
  
"How are we going to get the ring out of the river though?" Pippin asked.  
  
"One of us is going to swim down there and get it." Aragorn shouted. "And it's certainly not going to be me.  
  
"I guess Merry will have to go and get, He can swim." Pippin suggested.  
  
"AHHHHHHHH SHIT!" said Merry. "Pippin, you and your big mouth!"  
  
"Why thank you!" Pippin beamed proudly.  
  
The fellowship went back and Merry went down got it.  
  
When they got into Mordor and in the heart of Mount Doom. Pippin said he gave the ring to an orc.  
  
They never did find the orc, but for some reason Sauron didn't want the ring to rule middle earth he just wanted to use it as decoration for his garden and Saruman was just someone who was hired to find the ring for Sauron. 


End file.
